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God holds news conference (Sistine Chapel photo)

God angrily clarifies ‘don’t kill’ rule

From TheOnion.com

“NEW YORK—Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other Monday.

“‘Look, I don’t know, maybe I haven’t made myself completely clear, so for the record, here it is again,’ said the Lord, His divine face betraying visible emotion during a press conference near the site of the fallen Twin Towers. ‘Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don’t. And to be honest, I’m really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand.’

“‘I don’t care how holy somebody claims to be,’ God said. ‘If a person tells you it’s My will that they kill someone, they’re wrong. Got it? I don’t care what religion you are, or who you think your enemy is, here it is one more time: No killing, in My name or anyone else’s, ever again.'”

Christian conservatives angry over Christmas snub

Liberty Counsel, a conservative Christian legal group, is out with its annual “Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign.” It encourages Christians to boycott “naughty” businesses that don’t mention the word “Christmas” in advertising and support “nice” ones that do.

The American Family Association has released its own naughty and nice list.

At the risk of being added to their naughty lists, I feel that someone should point out to them that a) Christmas is no longer a “Christian holiday” and b) there are other gift-giving holidays during December. More

Christian conservatives angry over PBS special

The American Family Association is also angry at PBS for airing a NOVA special “The Bible’s Buried Secrets.” The broadcast claims . . .
• The Old Testament was written in the sixth century BC and hundreds of authors contributed.
• Abraham, Sarah and their offspring didn’t exist.
• There is no archaeological evidence of the Exodus.
• Monotheism was a process that took hundreds of years.
• The Israelites were actually Canaanites.

I’ve gotta agree with AFA on this one. Specials like this put the BS in PBS.

AFA chairman, Donald Wildmon wrote, “PBS is knowingly choosing to insult and attack Christianity by airing a program that declares the Bible ‘isn’t true and a bunch of stories that never happened.’ I have often said that PBS should not receive tax dollars.”

Congress angry at Detroit

“Big Three” auto execs—who flew in to Washington on their private jets—asking for a 25 billion-dollar baleout received an angry reception from Congress. The son of an auto CEO, Mitt Romney wrote in The Detroit Free Press:

“If General Motors, Ford and Chrysler get the bailout that their chief executives asked for yesterday, you can kiss the American automotive industry goodbye. It won’t go overnight, but its demise will be virtually guaranteed.

“Without that bailout, Detroit will need to drastically restructure itself. With it, the automakers will stay the course—the suicidal course of declining market shares, insurmountable labor and retiree burdens, technology atrophy, product inferiority and never-ending job losses. Detroit needs a turnaround, not a check.”

Even Charles Colson told Breakpoint listeners, “Imagine if the parable of the Prodigal Son went something like this: After wasting his inheritance, the son returns to the father. But instead of repenting and asking the father to take him back as a slave, the son says, ‘Dad, I’ve made a mess of things. Could you spot me some cash so I can get out of this hole?’” Colson concludes, “No bailing out those who act irresponsibly.”

But wait! There’s reason to be grateful!

Despite the world economic crisis, here are Ten reasons for which to give thanks . . . even if you think you don’t have any reason to give thanks. Have a grateful Thanksgiving Day!